Demonwarp (1980)

Oh wow...For the 80s horror fan who feels they have seen it all, Demonwarp has it all in one. This is not your average Bigfoot/aliens/zombie movie. No sir, this one is weird!
The film opens with a guy dressed like an Amish person walking in a field spotting a UFO (offscreen) crash in the mountains (offscreen). Cut to a cabin in the woods, present day, and George Kennedy, the grizzled B-movie veteran and star of countless Brady Bunch-era TV shows, is playing board games with his teenage daughter. A large Bigfoot type creature crashes through the door, knocks George out, and carries off his daughter. Some idiotic kids show up later for a weekend of sex, drugs, and monitoring paranormal activities in the area with a load of electronic surveillance equipment. One of the kids (actor Billy Jayne) played Mikey, Corin Nemec’s best bud on the short-lived teen sitcom Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.
The Bigfoot stalks and kills the kids, who then turn into zombies later on in the movie. The zombies, as well as the Bigfoot, steal various types of electronic equipment from people. The Bigfoot also likes to chase hikers and rip their head off, then throw it like he’s spiking a football. Then the alien conspiracy is uncovered. The aliens, who crashed their UFO at the beginning of the movie, need to use the stolen radios and electronics for spare parts so they can fix their spaceship. But these aren’t just ordinary aliens, they are demons from outer space. Demonic rituals take place on their UFO, parked deep in the haunted woods and guarded by the Bigfoot creature.
Demonwarp is a laughably bad film, and plenty weird. It’s not weird in the schizo “acid-trip” way, more like a “stoned-on-lots-of-weed-and-xanax.” It’s like the directors and writers (there were probably several of them) forgot what was going on in the film from scene to scene, sometimes from one line of dialog to the next. Whenever they were bored and wanted more action, yet another fantasy-horror subplot was added. The film started out with space aliens, then Bigfoot got thrown in the mix, along with some demons, a little gunplay, sex scenes, then a bunch of zombies show up and it turns into a zombie movie.
The Bigfoot monster was designed by John Carl Buechler, the veteran effects artist who created better known monsters in films like Re-animator (1985), Ghoulies (1985), From Beyond (1986), and Demonic Toys (1992).
Buechler is quite the renaissance man when it comes to making horror movies, having also directed films such as Troll (1986), and Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988). He did gore effects for Halloween 4 and Halloween 6, Nightmare on Elm St. 4, and Freddy’s Dead, so he has been involved in the three biggest franchises in horror movie history.
This poor film does not have the bad-movie fan base that other 1980s absurdities has, probably due to how hard it is to come across a copy. It was released direct-to-video by Vidmark Entertainment, a B-movie only VHS company that distributed tapes from 1984 to 1997. Vidmark brought renters their first glimpse of films like Peter Jackson’s Dead Alive (1992), Lucio Fulci’s The New York Ripper (1984), and the Leprechaun series. The company was eventually absorbed by media monster Lionsgate. Naturally, they have not released Demonwarp to DVD.
I would give them an A for effort at least, and the C stands for creativity. Or something. This film is insanely enjoyable. I would put this film, along with Night Train To Terror and Nightmare Weekend, in my list of horror films that I suspect were secretly made by 13 year old boys.

Creatures From The Abyss (1994)

If you like your cheesy horror to be psychotic, then this is your new favorite film. It’s a shame this movie doesn’t have more of a cult following. It makes films like Piranha and Reanimator look sedate and boring. It wreaks of cocaine and suntan lotion and looks like a Hawaiian shirt. It’s an extravagantly weird 1980s (even though it was made in the 90s) luxury yachting acid trip. Everything about this film is surreal, from the opening scene on the beach shot through an orange filter, looking as though there were a pair of pantyhose over the lens, to the pastel lit interior scenes, all accompanied by an ambient synthesizer score. It is Creatures From The Abyss.
It’s all a big excuse for some gory set pieces, slapstick, alcohol consumption, and sex. And line after line of obscenely stupid dubbed dialog.
Some teens set out from a beach in Miami in a rubber dingy, with no apparent destination in mind, and happen across an abandoned luxury yacht with a scientific laboratory aboard it. Apparently some genetic experiments have been taking place, resulting in monstrous little carnivorous fish, a contagious virus, and other slimy stuff.
The yacht is guarded and narrated by a talking computer system who states “Hi, I’m Jessica Rowland, I give good times,” (Who?!) and many more bizarre statements. Fictional technology is abundant aboard this ship, and there’s even a perverted, talking shower. At one point in the movie these words are spoken: “Professor, how long have you been fucking fish?” To which he replies,” They were old enough!” The inquisitor responds in an understanding mumble “These things happen…” Need I say more?
If you’ve ever seen the Discovery Channel programs about the fish inhabiting the deepest ocean depths where sunlight does not penetrate, and how freaky they look, then you will appreciate the “creatures” from the abyss. The killer fish in this movie can live out of water as well, and like to scamper across the floor in search of dumb teenagers to chow. Many of the fish POV shots are accompanied by growling noises, and of course they can fly through the air to attack as well.
The soundtrack reminded me of some of the 80s movies scored by Tangerine Dream, such as Manhunter, Risky Business, or The Keep. Knowing Italian horror directors, it wouldn’t surprise me if it was actually partially lifted from one of those films. They’ve certainly stolen music from other movies before, like when songs from Dawn of the Dead played repeatedly in Bruno Mattei’s Hell of the Living Dead (1980).
Not a lot is written about this film. I would love to know how ridiculous the filmmaker was trying to make the film. There is a short interview on the DVD where he claims there were many difficulties and budget problems while making the film. It is perfectly plausible that he was trying to make a serious film. Claudio Fragasso, who directed Troll 2, still does not understand why so many people laugh when they watch his movie. I’m sure he is equally clueless as to why a documentary being made on the cult following of Troll 2 is going to be titled “The Worst Movie Ever Made.”
Massimiliano Cerchi, who also calls himself Al Passeri, was the director. I have not been able to track down any of his other films, although after having viewed this one repeatedly, I must confess that I would rob a video store armed only with a plastic fork in order to see them. With titles under his belt like Satan Claus (1996), Brainmaster (1993), Kendall Ransom: Bounty Hunter (1998), and Mummy Theme Park (2000), his films sound amazing.
Creatures From The Abyss is a maniacal cackle of a movie that must be seen to be believed. It would take too long to adequately describe the manic, “what next?” type of atmosphere this film runs on. Fortunately it won’t take long to find a copy of it because it is available on DVD from Media Blasters and on sale at Amazon and Netflix under both titles, Plankton, and Creatures From The Abyss. This is quite possibly the best bad movie ever made.